Sunday, May 15, 2011

Why I need to write...


You know... I used to update my blog just about every day from the age of 17 to about 23. Before that I wrote in a journal just about every day from ages 11 to 17. I was constantly writing. Now, it's been two and a half years since I've really written anything.

I've dabbled in personal blogging here and there over the past few years but I've never been consistent. I think now that I run a website, and I'm on Facebook, and Twitter, and Twitter (2 accounts), and I receive about 50 e-mails a day (ones that I do actually have to read, not junk mail), I'm on the computer enough. The thought of sitting down at the computer AGAIN and blogging about my thoughts really isn't all that appealing!

I really do need to get back into it though for two reasons.

1) My brain is overloaded. It is one big jumbled mess of ideas, hopes, desires, goals, plans, happiness, struggles,  insecurities, worry, fear, and pain. It's absolute chaos. I really have no idea what I'm doing at this point. Writing actually helps me to keep my thoughts organized so that I am able to stay focused.  Writing about my life helps me to see the big picture. It gives me me a clear view of what is happening in my life and as a result, I am less stressed and less depressed.

2) I NEED to talk!! I need to get my thoughts out of my head and express myself in some way. When you blog you can pour out your heart - share your thoughts and opinions and if someone wants to read it, then that's great, if not, it's still good. Sometimes just getting the words out there is enough.

I am at home all.the.time. It's very rare that I get out and spend time with someone that isn't my husband, daughter, or my in-laws.  I have SO much to do at home that socializing with friends is really the last thing on my list of priorities, and I don't think that is good. Fellowship is good and it is needed. Honestly, I'm desperate for friends and fellowship.  I grew up with so many friends around all the time, I had this HUGE support group that understood me and cared about me. I never felt the need to "impress" anyone in the way that I do now. I could just be myself and I knew they loved me and would support me through anything and everything I did. Now I'm in this new state surrounded by all new people (well, that I've known for 4 years rather than 20) and I feel like I can't be myself around anyone.  Why is that?

I hope that I can continue writing on this blog this time around.  Writing really does help, and I definitely need help.

7 comments:

  1. I miss hearing from you on your personal blog, and I hope you'll be able to write here at least occasional. Even though I have yet to meet you in person, it's just not quite the same through FB and Sioux Falls Frugal Mom. : )

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  2. Love you Shaina!!! I still support you even though we can't see each other everyday like we used to. Life sometimes gets in the way, but I would like to make it an effort to talk to you more. :D I love you like you're my sister so let me know what I can do to serve you, even from California. :D

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  3. i have also missed your blog and look forward to hearing what you have to say.

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  4. I think another thing a blog can do is to help us in our sanctification... at least that is what my homeboy Jeremy thinks. It gave me a venue to give the gospel and explore the Bible and theology and how it relates to my life. But I've stopped blogging practically. But I do want to blog, especially with my upcoming wedding and new life with Kacey.

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  5. Thanks you guys :) I'm looking forward to blogging again.

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  6. I am so missing blogging too! Funny that having little ones in the house again seems to take up more time than one thinks it does. :) I'm glad to see you are writing again and your reasons for doing so are very good...I think I would list the same ones if asked why I wanted to blog again.

    And as for feeling you need to impress, I say bah hum bug! haha Just be your sweet, kind self and if someone doesn't like that, then they've got a problem for sure! ;)

    With the work I do for Rick's clinic (here at home), the kids, having both our families in town, AND keeping the house running I don't get out much either. And with my bad pregnancy of being so sick and now having a new baby in the house I haven't had much time for friends in the last 10 mos. I think I had even planned to get together with you but then was so sick I could barely do the list of 'required' activities that are above. But I remind myself of the saying "Friends are like flowers in the garden of life" or something like that. Gardens need to be cultivated and maintained...just as friendships do. And one can have different kinds of friends just as there are diff kinds of flowers. Ones you've had for years and ones you've had for just a year. But it is work and does take time, just like everything else.

    Take care and happy blogging! :)
    Amy

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